White Rabbit
by Belladonna Andromeda
Summary: Prequel to 'We're All Mad Here'. KakaNaruSasuSaku. Naruto's POV. That reckless smile hid a self-destructive and desperate desire for chaos, madness, sex and love.


Title – White Rabbit

Genre – Romance /Drama

Pairings – NaruSaku, NaruSasu, KakaNaru

Warnings – Het, Yaoi, Bi, Foursome, Drug (Ab)use, Swearing,

Rating – M

Summary – Prequel to _We're All Mad Here_. Naruto's POV. That smile hid a self-destructive and desperate desire for chaos, sex, love and madness.

000

N1.

_I should've known from the start that the world would see me as the fool_

_But I guess the joke's on you cause I learned all my mistakes from you_

_Humanity has taught me that a man's better off being lonely_

_Just like my heartbreak told me that love would only hurt me_

Naruto couldn't remember the girl's name. She was a Tailed Beast fanatic. Usually, he actively avoided them but the girl was pretty and she had offered to buy him drugs. It was only after he woke up the next morning that he realized he had fucked the girl without a condom and that had been her plan all along. She wanted to get pregnant of him. According to the numerous health checkups Tsunade had forced on him, he was preposterously fertile so her plan was likely to succeed. Fuck it all. What was he going to do? Force a morning after pill down her throat? She could sue him for abuse and mistreatment. Force her to get an abortion? How the hell was he supposed to do that without getting sued? Punch her in the stomach really hard and hope she'd get a miscarriage?

Naruto flinched. That was a brutal option. The fact that he even thought of it disturbed him. He had no idea what to do. Should he ask someone for help? But that involved leaving the room and it was highly fucking unlikely that the girl would still be there when he came back… and he didn't know her name. And even then, who the fuck would he go to anyway? Kakashi? Naruto was surprised he didn't have any kids with the amount of women he brought home though he guessed that was also proof that Kakashi knew how to keep the swimmers away from the cunt. But he'd also laugh at his predicament or tell him to figure it out himself since he knocked her up.

Sasuke?

….

Fuck no.

Sakura? He might have to endure a lecture and get blamed even though the girl was the one who tricked him in the first place. Naruto glared at the girl. He noticed her clothes scattered on the chair beside the bed and wondered if she had something with her that had her name on it.

He rubbed his face tiredly. What had become of him? Getting lured into some seedy hotel by a girl he'd just met simply because she offered him drugs and wasn't bad to look at. He had been the hero of Konoha at some point. He had done great things. Saved the lives of many people. Slain evil countless of times. And for what? Only to end up like this? Had he really been childish enough to believe that being a hero would save him? From what? Hatred? Abandonment? Loneliness?

There had been hints. He was just too fucking dumb to figure it out. Kakashi had been one. How many lives had that man saved and what did he have other than scars to prove it. The man had nothing – no wife, no children, no medals, not even a fucking thank-you note. Had he really been stupid enough to think he would be rewarded? That things would change? The world was as rotten as it had always been. He has tainted himself with blood for greater good only to be dragged into the next war. People expected him to do it again and again. He would die fighting evil while knowing that it would never stop. He would die a man who did everything and had nothing.

Fuck, what is he thinking about? He had to find out who the girl was and stuff. He didn't have time to be depressed. Fuck it all. He needed a drink.

N2.

_I did it all to feel alive_

_I did it all to get away_

_I did it all out of love_

_In a way (anyway)_

"I discovered a new pill. It's like XTC, but more intense. More MDMA.'

Kakashi frowned at him. "You know how feel about pills, Naruto. Why can't you just stick with weed? If Sakura knew about this she'd drag you to rehab."

Naruto shrugged. "What she doesn't know can't hurt her or me. And you won't tell her, right?"

"I'm beginning to think I have to for your own safety."

"It's fine. I only buy the good stuff and it's not like I'm addicted."

"Yes, you are."

Naruto flinched. "No, I'm not. I can stop whenever I feel like it. I-"

"-just don't feel like it. A line every addict starts off with when confronted." Kakashi drawled.

Naruto clenched his jaw, getting irritated. "You're starting to sound like Sasuke."

Kakashi smirked. "Little bitch has a talent for driving you into a corner with a few words. I know these are things you don't want to hear, but they are things you _need_ to hear."

"I don't need anything or anyone to do shit."

"Now you sound like Sasuke." Kakashi sighed when Naruto's eyes flashed red as he glared at him. "The last time I saw you sober was three months ago and you had two missions during that time."

"I got it done though, didn't I? My high didn't fuck up the results. Still aced it."

"Because you were on the other side of the town fighting enemies who _weren't there_."

Naruto blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"You were tripping, Naruto. Hallucinating like crazy. The only reason it didn't affect the mission was because you weren't close enough to fuck anything up. You're lucky Lee is as gullible as a fucking three year-old or you would've been in trouble."

Naruto's mouth twitched with the urge to laugh in case Kakashi blurted out 'kidding!'. But he didn't. He was serious. "Who else knows about this?"

"About the incident or about your addiction?"

Naruto seethed. He was not a fucking addict. He was the fucking hero of Konoha. Naruto frowned, feeling sad at the thought. Not for the first time, he wondered what he had become. "Both."

"No one knows about the incident except for me. However, Sasuke has figured it out on his own and Sakura is beginning to get suspicious."

Naruto's shoulders sagged. He wanted a drink. And a joint. And maybe some cocaine. "I think I'm in trouble."

"Why? What did you do?"

"I fucked a woman without a condom. Thought she was a girl cause she looked young, but she was thirty-seven. She could be pregnant." Naruto started to ramble as he got nervous, fidgeting with the end of his sleeves. "She was a fucking milf though. I like older women. They're more mature and more experienced, I guess. Girls my age are such drama queens, you know. Except Sakura. Maybe it's because she's a kunoichi. She had to grow up faster mentally cause of the pressure. I mean, I don't know. You know what I mean, right? … right?"

Kakashi closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. Naruto didn't even have to look at him. He could _smell_ the disappointment. "You fucking idiot."

Naruto could've cried.

N3.

_It sounds crazy but_

_It was what I wanted_

_I could escape it_

_As long as I was faded (so just)_

_Fuck you all (yes, I said)_

_Fuck you all_

"Sakura likes me better now." Naruto said. He was high as fuck. He could barely walk straight. "Did you know that?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like I care?"

You fucking bitch. You fucking _whore_. You _should_ care. Why don't you care? Naruto smiled. "Guess you don't. You actually wouldn't mind growing old alone cause you're an asshole. Wish I could be like that. Just not care."

"You're fucking annoying when you're high."

Naruto picked up the glass of vodka and threw it at Sasuke's face, who dodged it with ease. "Fuck you! What _is _it with you? You have _no _right to be walking around all high and mighty, you selfish rotten fuck! Not anymore!"

"Gets to you, huh?" Sasuke smirked.

Naruto could've killed him. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to put his hands around that slender neck so bad. Feel it crack under his fingers. He'd never see that motherfucking smirk again. Naruto stopped in his rage.

He would never see that smirk again…

"I love you." Naruto breathed. "Why are you so…? I fucking _love_ you!"

Sasuke froze. His jaw dropped, his eyes widened and his glass of whiskey slid out of his grip and dropped to the floor. He began to stutter.

Naruto stood there in silence, having forgotten what the argument had been about, shocked by Sasuke's shock. "What?"

Sasuke frowned, looking genuinely confused. "I'm leaving." He said abruptly. He stood up.

Naruto was too busy staring at him. He hadn't heard him at all. He was mesmerized by the way the light reflected from Sasuke's eyes. By the time he realized that he didn't want Sasuke to leave, he was already gone. And he had to pay for their drinks. Shit.

N4.

_Cause I'm just a stupid motherfucker_

_And my brain's too numb_

_To understand_

_That I am_

_As dumb as they're saying_

_I'll be the idiot a little longer_

_Until I'm stronger_

_To comprehend_

_That I'm a dead man hung (no)_

"This needs to stop."

"Sakura, I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Look at you." Sakura hissed. "Look at this place. When was the last time you cleaned it? When was the last time you took a shower? Stop fucking laughing!"

"You're overreacting."

"What was it?" Sakura pressed, looming over him. "What set you off like this?"

"I don't know."

"Tell me, Naruto. Or I swear I will lock you up in rehab for the rest of the year."

"You don't understand. I really don't know. I can't remember." Naruto laughed. "My dirty dishes look like Lee posing naked."

"That's because they are _molding_. For fuck's sake, Naruto, look at you!"

Naruto groaned. "Stop yelling. You're giving me a headache. And you're ruining my high."

"No!" Sakura roared. "I am going to keep yelling until you give me an answer."

Naruto sighed, irritated. "Could you leave then? Just.. go away. Leave me alone."

"Never." Sakura seethed. "Don't think you're getting out of this one, Naruto. Sasuke and Kakashi are right outside this apartment ready to help me beat some sense into you if I ask them to."

"You're all here?"

Sakura blinked. "Yes."

"For me?"

"Who else, stupid!"

"Kakashi fucked Sasuke."

Sakura's face fell. Her expression went from disbelief to anger directed at Naruto to disbelief to shock to hurt. "You're not just making this up to get rid of me, are you?"

Naruto shook his head. "I saw them. Saw Sasuke sucking him off from the window of Kakashi's apartment. Think I broke in and started a fight, but can't really remember."

"Are you…" Sakura swallowed thickly. "Are you in love with him?"

"Yes." Naruto drawled. "But I'm in love with you too. I also love Kakashi. When it comes down to it, I can't really choose between any of you. You guys are like my best friends, my family and my crushes all in one. Sometimes I dream about buying a big house where the four of us will leave together as lovers and no one will judge us or bother us. We'll all be loved."

Sakura stared at him in amazement. She seemed to scan him with her medically trained eyes, wondering if he was just high as hell. But even if he was. It didn't matter. "I… um… I… let me help you take a shower."

Naruto burst out laughing as if it would hide the sound of his heart shattering into a million pieces. He let himself be hoisted off the coach and led into his tiny bathroom.

"Stand up." Sakura whispered. He could barely hear over the sound of the shower. "Take your shirt off."

Naruto swallowed. "I can do that by myself. You can go now."

"Stop pouting, you moron. I'm trying to seduce you."

Naruto stumbled and got stuck in his shirt. He wrestled to get it off, but almost suffocated himself. He heard Sakura sigh before ripping the shirt off his head. She giggled at the sight of his confused expression and flushed cheeks. "You're such an idiot."

"Yeah." Naruto said, a little dazed. "I'm no hero."

Sakura stared at him for a long time before smiling comfortingly. "There is no such thing as a hero, Naruto. And that's okay. We love you anyway, you little fool."

Naruto's heart swelled. It was almost painful. He felt like crying. Sakura's smile widened and she looked so beautiful he thought he would die from her brilliance.

"Are you two fucking in there?" Kakashi said, knocking on the door making the two of them jump.

"Care to join us?" Naruto said.

Sakura whipped her head towards him, eyes wide in disbelief. "Are you out of your mind. That's our sensei!" She whispered furiously.

"Former sensei." Naruto said, infuriating her even more.

Sakura tensed up, getting more and more uncomfortable as the silence stretched. Naruto could hear talking from the other side of the door but couldn't make out the words. "It's fine." Naruto drawled in attempt to calm her down. "They're probably just-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off as Kakashi knocked the door down. "You're not fucking." He sounded disappointed as he and Sasuke entered the bathroom.

"There's not enough room for all of us." Sakura shrieked.

"It's Naruto's bathroom and he's the one who invited us." Sasuke replied.

"Invited you to what? I never agreed to this."

"Really? Cause it almost looks like Naruto's ready to give you a blowjob from where I'm standing. If you had a cock. Which you don't. But I do." Kakashi said amused.

Sasuke simply smirked.

"What is happening?" Sakura whispered, half terrified, half horny-out-of-her-mind.

"If we're going to have an orgy it's probably best if we go to my place or Sasuke's. Doesn't look very hygienic in here." Kakashi looked around with a frown.

"Sakura's is closest." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, but she has parents."

"My place is closest then."

Naruto couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was like a dream come true. "Sasuke's place it is. I have dibs on Sakura first. She's was seducing me anyway."

Sakura turned cherry red when all eyes turned on her. "Have you all gone mad?" She couldn't seem to figure out whether they were tricking her or being serious. She was dumbstruck.

"Yep, and so will you once we're done with you." Kakashi winked.

Naruto smirked. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Don't worry. We're all mad here."

"Naruto!"

Naruto snapped out of his daze. Sakura was checking his pulse while Kakashi and Sasuke were blocking the door to his bathroom. All three of them wore similar looks of worry on their faces. "What's going on?"

"You started hallucinating again." Sakura said. She sounded as if she was holding in tears.

"What? When?"

"You began acting funny after I told you Kakashi and Sasuke were at the door. Started mumbling strange things, you were heating up and your heartbeat was out of control. We brought you to the bathroom to try and cool you down."

"So it was all fake? We're not going to Sasuke's place?"

The three blinked at him. "What are you talking about? Of course not. We're talking you to the hospital. You almost overdosed, you fucking moron. I can't believe you put a pill in your soda. As if drinking soda in the morning isn't bad enough for you. If we hadn't been here- why are you crying?"

It had been long time since Naruto cried like this. Like a child. So many tears it blinded you, so much pain in those wails it was hard to breathe. It hadn't been real. He wished he had overdosed. For a moment in his life, he was truly happy. He truly believed that there would be a place called Wonderland where he could freely love and be loved by Sakura, Kakashi and Sasuke. He was suddenly engulfed by three pairs of arms. He wished he could enjoy it. He really wanted to. But it simply hurt.

_I should've known from the start that the world would see me as the fool_

_But I don't care for the world as long as I am loved by you_

_I heard of a place, a house, a sanctuary for the broken and insane_

_I will chase that wonder like a rabbit as white as cocaine_


End file.
